It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
