Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
