We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
