All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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