We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
