I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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