Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
