Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
