I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
