i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
