I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
