Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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