i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I supernannyed him into submission
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
