I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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