just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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