I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
