That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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