My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
