I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
