a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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