her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
