wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
