I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
