I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
