Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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