Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
