pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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