it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
