I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
