...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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