just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
