you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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