I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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