Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
