Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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