he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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