Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
