I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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