I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
