His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
