a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
you inspire me to be a worse person
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
