Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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