I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Drunk is a universal language darling
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
