I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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