i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
