At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
