i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
