No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
