wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
