He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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