you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
