were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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