After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
