Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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