So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
NoShamevember. You game?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
